I went into a French restaurant and asked the waitress… ‘Have you got frog’s legs?’ She said, ‘No, my jeans are just a bit tight.’

I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do… And for the people who like country music, denigrate means put down’.

My Dirty apartment….. Is so messy I cant even get in with out my discovery pass.

I’m only human. And like all humans, I’m a fucking asshole.

Just think about this: Jeff Goldblum is someone’s uncle. Jeff Goldblum goes to someone’s house for holidays and is Jeff Goldblum.

What would someone in the 13 hundreds say if you told them we fly in giant metal birds all around the world? You mean across?

Have you heard the joke about the corrupt government? [Content Removed]

What Would The Rocks Boyfriend Be Called? Fruity Pebble..

How do you kill a one-legged fox? Make him run across Canada.

Why is the rabbi in geometry? To practice circumscribing