How will future generations contact Beyonce’s ghost? They’ll hold a Beyonceance.

Did you guys read about the fence that got knocked over this morning? Dont worry, it’ll probably be reposted before the weekend is up.

What do you call a partying Hansen’s disease patient? A social leper.

What type of weather has the worst attitude? Darude – Sandstorm

This spa was amazing! Umm Miss, you just walked through our car wash.

Damn girl, are you the wife of a convict serving a long term in a federal penitentiary? Because you left before I even finished my sentence

Which murderer is the safest to be stuck in an elevator with? The ax murderer of course. He will always ax you before murdering you.

I was really hesitant about this new haircut at first…. …but I’m starting to like it you know. It’s really growing on me. Sorry I’ll leave now.

I told a newcomer in prison that the other inmates were heavily interested in astronomy. When asked what I meant, I said, “They are particularly interested in Uranus, so you don’t want to moon them.”

No one’s laugh sounds like “bwahahaha.” NO one.