Why are women like parachutes? Because if they don’t spread they are worthless.

I like my girls like my nails Hammered

Have you heard the watermelon joke? You have now! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^I’msosorry

What shoes do roosters wear? Chickenstocks

How to make a girl laugh Step One: ask her out.

What’s the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your wife can take 3 dicks!

A friend and I saw a man killed at the canned goods factory… It was a jarring experience.

My son just said “I’m sorry I can’t be cute right now, I’m hungry” and I’ve never understood him better.

What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage

What did Saturn tell it’s moons when they started getting too far away? “Titan up!”