Remember, he who laughs last is the idiot who took forever to get it.

Maybe someone just charmed the pants off of Winnie the Pooh.

AC changed bail to basil, and now I’m sitting in jail with some lovely herbs.

What part of the body never wins? Dafeat

“I can’t feel my legs” –mermaids

What’s the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains? If you answered “I don’t know.” I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

If a telemarketer calls give the phone to your 3 yr old,and tell them its santa clause.

Cello Green has T-Rex arms.

“Good thing I guessed that today was probably a BYOB situation.” -me, chaperoning the kindergarten field trip

I like my beer like I enjoy my violence. Domestic.