Mathematics is the only place you can buy 60 watermelons and no one questions you

Does Lance Armstrong enjoy cycling? Of course he does! He has a ball!

A journalist is interviewing a five hundred pound man with paper thin skin who is getting a full body skin transplant. The reporter asks if he is excited. He says, “I can barely contain myself!”

What do you do if a purple elephant and a multicolored horse are following you? get off the merry-go-round! 🙂

Katie Price’s first task in Celebrity…. Katie Price’s first task in Celebrity Big Brother is to not get pregnant or married in the next three weeks.

How do you count cows? with a cowculator.

What do you get when you cross a feminist with a non-feminist? Triggernometry

[Baby crying in a movie theater] Me: “What’s his name?” Parent: “Ethan.” Me: “The movie’s starting, Ethan.”

The world is made up of kids who can’t wait to grow up…and adults who wish they hadn’t.

What do you call a computerized rock band? ASCII/DSCII