What do frogs drink ? Hot croako !

[restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I’ll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep…um…Is cok…ok…Is…I…what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*

Needs a Facebook button that says What you just posted makes me want to punch you in the face. Put it beside the Like button. Just a suggestion.

I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I’m sitting in timeout tweeting this.

(Original) did you know that if you squeeze one of your balls hard enough you’ll cum? Because sooner or later you’ll bust a nut

If I were an attractive girl, I would introduce myself as Hottie McHotterson because I would still be an asshole.

Do you know whats really odd? Numbers not divisible by 2.

I was having sex last night and had an epiphany right before I climaxed… I guess you could say that I came to a realisation.

What do you call a bitchy oak? A country

Three women are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are… One can fit in a sausage, one can fit in a cucumber and the third one just slides down onto the bar stool.