New Year’s Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong… He can’t enjoy watching the ball drop.

I bought 2 Chainz’ latest album, but it was the censored edition. It’s easily one of the best instrumental CDs I’ve heard in a long time.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Dirty Harry Barbie …comes with large caliber pistol; pull the string and she says “Go ahead >giggle< Make my day!"

I like my women like i like my coffee Ground up and in the Freezer. CREDIT: Friend told this one

Dont be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.

When was the last time the Indians were the champions? Before Columbus came.

Prove you’re not a robot by typing two words that sounds like they were doodled on a toilet cubicle by a schizophrenic

Men used to slay dragons, and here I am shuffling around like a penguin with my pants around my ankles looking for extra toilet paper.

Why was six afraid of seven? (twist) Because seven was a registered six offender.

Damn girl, did you fall from heaven? Because so did Satan.