What do bears get at raves? Mauly.

How did the rice crispy propose to the cornflake? It Snapped, Crackled and Popped the question.

Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up? He wanted to double his prophets.

What do a dildo and tofu have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

I found a wallet today As a good Christian I thought: What would Jesus do? So I turned it to wine

Someone threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me… I suffered super fish oil injuries.

Girls want a Guy that’s a gentleman and a Bad Ass! Girls want a guy that’s a gentleman and a bad ass. On first dates, I wear a tuxedo and an eye patch!

What do people do in Greece? Slip and slide around.

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.

How do the Muslims like their eggs cooked? Sunni side up. I know this is a Shiite joke.