Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

I want to start selling arm prosthetics globally Because then I’ll be an international arms dealer.

Hey, have you heard about…. A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he’s been disarmed and defeated.

Did you hear Jesus was pissed about his birthday gifts? He was pretty incensed by the whole ordeal.

Women’s rights. want to laf again? **WOMYNS RITES!!!** el oh el

Have you heard Adrian peterson used to play baseball? He might play for the twins this year. Apparently he is a switch hitter.

just a thought… if Jesus was born a Jew and his father is God, does that mean god is Jewish?

[bday party] Mum: happy birthday son Me: wow that’s a huge cake! Mum: its full of bees Me: what Mum [backing away]: I said it’s cream cheese

Me: I can’t seem to lose weight CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean

Did you know that 50% of asian businessmen have cataracts? The other half have BMW’s.