What kind of TV show do felines watch? Catoons

Why were there so many Hawaiian lei’s at the funeral? the obituary read “Please send donations in luau flowers.”

Me: Dude, back off. You’re totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. H: You do realize I’m your husband, right?

Dog Morpheus: Ok, Dog Neo. You take the grey pill, you wake up in your kennel. But if you take the GREY pill – I will show you the Matrix.

Simba was going too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.

My Irish friend was telling me about his uncle. “My uncle’s a cop, you know,” he said. “Oh, really?” “No, O’Riley.”

I get nudes from Adele Sorry, *a dell*

Did you hear about the shortsighted circumciser? He got the sack.

How do you pump a Republican for information? With a plunger.

Did you hear about the Mexican painter who lost two fingers? After the incident, he could only tres.