What’s Serena Williams’ favorite time of day? Ten-ish.

[Game of Thrones Spoiler ALL BOOKS Fan Theory] Benjen, Bran, Daario, Euron, Syrio, Jaqen, and Coldhands walk into a restaurant.. and say: “Table for one, please.”

What is easier done than said?

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. Buh dum tss!

What do you call a hacker who can see the future? A 4chan teller.

What do you call Islamic death metal? Allahu Rockbar.

The other night my girlfriend and I had parked in a quiet road for a bit of fun when a policeman caught us. He gave me a ticket for doing 69 in a 30mph zone…

STEWARDESS: omg the plane’s about to crash but the SOS message can only be 140 characters! what are we going to do?? ME: *slowly stands up*

A cunt. What do you call someone who reads the punchline first and then the rest of the joke?

Hey, I have an idea. Instead of complaining about your auto-correct every day, how about going into your settings & turning it the fcuk off?